Virgin Territory

Well, not really. And I'm not talking about my sex life. Married 10 years so if I were a virgin something would be very wrong with me. Too wrong for words. Pathological even. The thought makes me shudder.

No, this is my first post on this particular blog. I have others but they are for very explicit purposes. I have one through which I keep in touch with a small group of friends. It's better than email and instant messaging and not as finicky as Yahoo Groups. I have another I use with my critique partners for the wip *side note: wip = work in progress*. I have yet another that is just a place for me to express myself anonymously. Its wonderful to be anonymous at times, isn't it?

But I digress. The purpose of this particular blog is twofold. First, I'm rather narcissistic and believe that everyone must be interested in my creative journey from frustrated unpublished writer to successful author. Second, I've been thinking lately about inspiration and creativity and want to explore just how we humans are driven by creativity and where do we find, or make, our inspiration. Lofty goals but if you don't reach and all that rot.

Let me share some background. I have been writing off and on for about 5 years. There are three completed manuscripts, or mss as they shall henceforth be known, in my filing cabinet, several aborted attempts in my computer and at least three partials in various stages of completion. There are no books out on the shelves with my name on them. Quite a few rejection letters in my file drawer, but sadly those don't count.

I work with a life coach regarding my writing and while she assures me I have turned the corner and am an author, I'm not so certain. I keep wondering when the jack-in-the-box will pop up and with his garish clown face inform me that I am a poser and should give up the pretense and grow up already.

Neurotic to the core, every night I look under my bed for evil writing gremlins. I don't think my friends and acquaintences would say I'm neurotic. Unique in a strange way perhaps. Certainly not neurotic. But those pesky gremlins lurk just beneath surface. Most days I'm able to ignore them. Then there are days like today when the words don't flow, I recieve yet another rejection letter in the mail and emergencies eat away at the time I so painstakingly carved out to write. Days like today make me question my calling, my talent, my desires and wonder if it has all been one big delusion.

Still, I push on. And this blog is just one way for me to push on. Publically declaring for all who care (and right now that's just me) that I am going to finish the damn ms and I am going to be pulished. Not just once. No, I aspire to join the ranks of those authors who make a living, albeit often a meager one, from writing fiction. Genre fiction at that.

So, join me if you wish. Or not. The choice is yours. I'm sure there will be days I wax philosophic or delve into my theological roots. Perhaps it will evoke discussion or be entertaining. Either way, it will be interesting. Long and strange and interesting.