Office Downsize Project Take Twenty

 Gratitudes:

1. Tea. It is magical, mystical, and lifts my spirits. 
2. Ella Henderson. I could put Ghost on repeat. Seriously. 
3. Friends who offer to help you clean and organize your home office, aka the abyss, and do not judge any of the things you have chosen to hold on to over the years. 

I used to be organized. When we lived in a smaller domicile, organization and cleaning was a cinch. We didn't have much space and we didn't have much stuff. Everything had a place. Even if that place was a box under the bed. 

If only my desk was this clean and streamlined. Sigh.

Now we live in a bigger home. We have more stuff. And over the last few years I put more energy into organizing myself at work than organizing and reorganizing the chaos that occurs during renovations. Our bedroom and the guest room were the only two rooms that were mostly untouched. It's easy to keep the bedroom clean and less cluttered. The guest room has become a place to store those things we don't yet have a home for and should not be stored in the basement. We're slowly working through the stuff.

The one room I have always struggled with is the home office. If you go back on this blog, you will see a few times I have attempted to organize and downsize this space. I feel bad because at work I was uber organized. I didn't have the energy to organize the home office. And in the last few years I have developed a dislike for the space. I have a vision of how this space could be. But it would take money and time and renovations have been the primary goal in the last 10 years. Yes, 10 year. I about died when I realized that. June will make 11. I don't want to talk about it.

Things have gotten worse since I left work. All the personal items I had in my cubicle was dumped in the home office. And I haven't done a thing with it since. 

Initially I really didn't have the energy. Now that I have the energy, I lack the motivation. But I really need to make this space workable. More than workable, I need to make this space mine. Comfortable. Beautiful. Positive. Safe. 

I really want a room in this house that I can lock myself in and be creative, or slightly manic, or melancholy. And be allowed to just be me. We all need a space where we can be ourselves. The self we may not show everyone.  The part of ourselves that is growing and changing and becoming, but hasn't become enough we feel safe showing others. Not yet. 

I don't have that. I haven't had that since I got married. Our first home was so small there was no individual space. This house has the space but...the truth is Hubs has this vision of sharing an office. He doesn't quite understand the need for that singular space we can make our own. He kind of has his workshop. That is his space. It's not a space to work on a computer or a comfortable place to escape to. He escapes to the bedroom when he wants to be in his cave. I let him. I don't intrude. He needs his alone time. He needs his space. So do I. 

This week I'm attacking the office and making it work for me. A friend is coming over to help me. We will purge, rearrange, organize. Well, maybe not completely rearrange because the desk is staying where it is so I can get at the cords behind the computer. Otherwise, it could totally move. But once it's at least purged and organized, I can figure out what I need. What furniture could be made or purchased to make the space more pleasing. What pictures could go up on the walls. Where the water fountain could go. How I can make the space work for all the things I need and the things I want to do in here. 

Sometimes you need help getting a part of your life together. Sometimes it's okay to reach out and ask for it. 

Scaling Back

I never want to leave unorganized crap behind for someone else to deal with. Grieving the lose of someone you love is hard enough without compounding it with having to go through every piece of their life and decide is it garbage or is it a treasure worth keeping.

After my FIL died, my husband and I spent a lot of time at the family home. His stepmom wanted to get the house ready to sell and sell quickly. My husband spent most of his life before marriage in this house, as did two of his three siblings. You would think the house would have been full of family keepsakes. It wasn't. At least not those types of keepsakes. You see, his dad and step-mom had been prepping to downsize for a few years and had culled the home of the children's possessions.

No, we didn't go through old yearbooks and arts and crafts. We went through years of documents my FIL had kept from EVERY JOB HE EVER WORKED! Every church directory that ever crossed his path. Reel-to-reel audio tapes we can't even listen to because he kept the tapes but not the equipment. Ten computers, most of which were so out of date no one wants them. Plus, every last piece of computer software the man ever installed. Or purchased. Or received free in cereal boxes or from AOL. I kid you not. We tossed so much crap from this house. And that's just his stuff. My step-MIL also had books, cookbooks, paper products, exercise videos and paraphernalia, doodads, knick knacks, fake plants.

And then there were the items from the shop. Tools, yes. But not always tools in good condition. Pieces of wire and tubing that were too small to be of any use. Vacuum tubes. Half used caulk and glue. Baby food jars filled with nuts, bolts, screws, nails and more bits of wire.

It took us six weekends to clean out the junk, decide what was valuable and help his step mom set up an estate sale. I'm talking 8 hour days or longer. And while I loved my FIL, the amount of crap he clung to made me itch.

I am a packrat. I get what it is to want to cling to something. Part of this comes from the fear of what if I need it in the future. What if I need that document? Or that book? Or that pice of wire that is less than two inches long? Part of this is laziness. I have better things to do with my time than to make sure everything is organized and put away. No one goes into the office anyway, so what why not let everything pile up? I have a file cabinet, why not stuff it full?

But man, after last fall, I'm less inclined to want to have all this stuff. I took a week off from work over Christmas and during that time I went through all my books and Goodwill is now the proud owner of over 100 of my books. Last month I cleaned out my closet. Twice. The file cabinet is more organized than it's been in years and those piles of papers that were squatting in various rooms and on various surfaces have been evicted.

I really don't want to die and leave a mess to someone else. I guess what I want is a simpler life with less stuff. I won't ever be a minimalist, but I can scale back and know that only the things that matter surround me. I think it's time to bring back Operation Office Downsize and maybe expand it further. Yes, I think that is a very good thing.

15 Minutes

 Why is it that whenever I try to organize my home office, I seem to create more of a mess? I've been tasked with clearing out the office so we can move on to the next phase of our renovations. But I'm procrastinating. I don't know if it's because I can;t stand the thought of having to uproot all my books and set up in a temporary space for the next couple of months or if I really just have too much crap and I'm at a loss at how to deal with it.

I didn't use to be this bad. There was a time in the not so distant past that there was never a stray paper in the house and everything had a place of it's own. Since we started renovations six years agoI haven't been able to find my stride. The house is in this limbo state and has been since we bought it. Most things don't have a permanent home so things have piled up and chaos has finally become my good friend. This is one friendship I really want to let go.

So in an effort to get this monkey off my back, I'm going back to a method that worked for me in the past. 15 minutes.

The theory is that when things become chaotic, or when faced with a task you do not want to do, you set a timer for 15 minutes and work hard for those 15 minutes on a specific task and then you stop. You can do15 minutes a day, 15 minutes every hour, 15 minutes every half hour. Whatever works for you. Just remember to take a break from that task and do something you enjoy. That's the reward for the 15 minutes of work.

Funny thing, this works when I'm not in the mood to write. I sit my butt in my chair, set the timer and start writing. Eventually, I'm past my 15 minutes and my fingers are fighting to keep up with the scenes in my head. That's my reward. I get such a high from being able to finish a scene, a chapter, an entire book. No other accomplishment compares. Though I'm hoping getting my home into fighting form and keeping it that way comes in a close second. I'll keep you posted.

Minimalism and Me

Last week I wanted to lament the time that got away from me due to the busyness that has been my life. Instead of whining and mourning the time I will never get back, I decided to make some changes to my life. Easier said than done.
The first thing I realized is that in order to make positive, lasting change in my life I need to determine what is and isn't working for me and my family right now. I've taken some time to ask my husband some questions about his vision for our future and his expectations of our partnership. Then I had to shut up and listen to some hard truths. What I have walked away with is this:

1. Less is more
2. I am not Wonder Woman, I don't have to try to do everything all by myself, I can say no or ask for assistance
3. When making agreements, write them down, make them actionable and follow through now not later
4. Less is more
5. My family doesn't need routines, my family needs meaningful habits
6. Communication about wants, needs and expectations is crucial 
7. Less is more

Okay, I really only have five things I walked away with instead of seven, but the "less is more" notion is something that I know in my head but for the last couple of years has been this voice whispering in my mind that simplifying isn't about being organized and building routines/habits. It's about less. Minimalism.

I'm not a minimalist. I have a closet full of clothes. Books everywhere. Cluttered surfaces (mostly paper which I swear breeds overnight!). My kitchen has more items than I'll ever use in a week or even a month. Then there's the crap in the basement. And perhaps this is part of my problem.

The more I have, the more I need to do to keep things in shape and the more time I have to put toward maintaining and/or justifying the things I have. What if I were to let go of the stuff? What would happen then? Would life become simpler because of this new less is more attitude? Or would it cause more stress? Is my stuff really taking away from the things I want to do? Are the activities I clutter my days with getting in the way of my passions and dreams?

I'm going to use books as an example. I love books. When I got married I owned maybe 20 books. I rarely purchased books in the first few years of marriage. I used the library a lot or I borrowed books from friends. Then one day I wanted to read a series the library didn't have and I couldn't get via interlibrary loan. So I started purchasing books. I bought them new or used. I received them as gifts. And my collection started to grow to where it is now at well over 2000 books. Where are all these books? Most of them are in boxes. Why? Because we are in the middle of renovating the house and bookshelves aren't high enough on the list yet. That and I think my husband keeps hoping I'll get rid of most of these books so he doesn't have to build as many bookshelves.

These books give me great joy and cause me great stress. They bring me joy because I love being surrounded by the written word. I love the stories and emotions and thoughts and knowledge books can share.  Given the opportunity, I will sit on my favorite chair with a pot of tea and will read endlessly for hours while the world passes by. Books are a passion.

My books are also a source of stress. I spend money I don't need to on books that often are purchased and then stacked somewhere unread until I have the time or desire to pick up a particular title and read it. Books collect dust, clutter surfaces and can get in the way of my space, time or relationships. My TBR (to be read) piles and boxes continue to grow and sometimes I'm paralyzed because I have so many choices of what to read that I don't get around to reading anything in my TBR piles and instead buy new books to read. You get the picture.

If I went with the "less is more" philosophy with my books, I would only keep books that had meaning and purpose in my life right now. I wouldn't hold on to series I've read and don't intend to read again. I wouldn't keep books because the author signed them or because I happen to know the author and want to support him/her. I would be ruthless about what in my TBR piles I'm actually going to read versus what I'm holding on to out of some meaningless habit to keep the books until they have been read.

After my heart to hear with the husband, I decided that since I had to move all the books being stored in the home office off the shelves while we move a window, I'm going to try some of this "less is more" attitude. It's going to hurt, but I'm going to commit to two shelves of books instead of five. If a book doesn't make it back into the office they don't get to stay in the house. I will find them good homes. I will catalog the books so I know what I used to own, if I ever read it, what purpose it had for me at the time. I need to free up the space so I can free up the office.

Books aren't bad. Stuff isn't bad. I'm not mad at my stuff, but I'm seeing now how some of the things in my life are distracting rather than uplifting. Sure, this less is more thing isn't saving the world, but I'm hoping it's a start to making those necessary and timely changes I need to make to move forward, and to have a happy, healthy family.

Provocative Thought Wednesday

Simplify!     ~ Henry David Thoreau, philosopher

1. What can you stop doing right now? 
2. What can you get rid of right now? 

Simplification should be, well, simple. And yet we make the process complicated. Take my Office Downsize Project for example. Before I asked my friend to lend me her objectivity and support, I created a complex plan to simplify and declutter. A plan I had a hard time executing because it was so complicated. 

If I instead had asked myself the above questions I may have had a cleaner, more organized office a whole lot sooner. 

So, what about you? 

Halp!

Okay, the title for this post is from the movie The Fifth Element. If you haven't yet seen it, you're missing some kooky fun. Anyway...

In my quest to not only make time to clean and organize my home office, I decided I could no longer move forward with this project on my own. Instead of muddling through by myself and getting stuck in the big picture or mired in the details, I enlisted the help of a trusted friend who is more than capable of organizing space.


It took me a long time to come to this decision. I had to work through the expectations I had of what I should have been able to and by when. I am able to help other people organize themselves, but I have to work very hard to organize myself. So I had this picture in my head that I could, no should, be able to do this on my own. Looking around the office, and at my procrastination with the project, I made the decision to go ahead and ask for assistance. And, no offense to my husband who has offered to work on this project with, but I needed someone who didn't have a vested interest in the project.

Enter Christine. In one evening we cleaned off the desk surface, a couple of shelves and the piles on the floor. I had two bags for Goodwill, several bags of recycling and everything I didn't know how to organize or wasn't sure I was going to keep was neatly organized in labeled bags. The room looked larger and I wanted to be in the space for the first time in months. Since last fall, to be exact.

Later this week we are going to work on this some more. The goal is to not have to buy any new furniture (though I can make lists of what I want in the future to make the room more usable), and to purchase the fewest number of organizational devices/tools possible all while maintaining a feel that is a cross between homey comfort and minimalism. I mean, I like my books and pictures, but I don't need to have piles of them on the floor.

I do this all the time with clients. I walk them through what is keeping them stuck so they can move forward. I was unable to do this for myself and when I was ready to ask for help, help was there for the taking. Sometimes, it's all about realizing we can lean on people in our lives for a little while.

When you find yourself overwhelmed by a project, who do you turn to for motivation? What do you do to unfreeze yourself?

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time in a land not so different from our own, there lived a princess. This princess had the magic ability to squeeze more hours into her day than the average person. No, she didn't sleep less or stop eating. She was able to bend the physics of time in order to squeeze in more to every minute.

Because of her special ability, the princess often over committed herself. Which increased her need to bend and manipulate time. Every time she squeezed more into a minute, her special ability lost some of its potency, which made each attempt more and more tiring and difficult.

Eventually the princess was unable to bend time. No matter how she tried she could not squeeze any more into a minute than her normal subjects could. She was exhausted, stressed and unhappy.

How often do we fall prey to the myth that we can have more hours in our day? It's impossible to have more than 24 hours in a 24 hour day. And yet we all want to stuff more and more into our days. Like me with my Office Downsize Project. Which is woefully behind. Why? Because I was over committed. I didn't take into account all the things that I had already committed to and how much time they would require of me. I didn't look at my commitments and eliminate or delegate something. I held on to them all and kept thinking, as so many of my clients do, that if I only had the right tool or the right timer or the right something I could get it all done.

I gave my Make Time To Write talk to my writing group back in October. And I was reminded that I only have 24 hours in a day. How am I spending those 24 hours and does that match up with my goals? If the answer is they don't match very well then Houston, we have a problem.

I was ill over Thanksgiving so I spent some time filling out a hypothetical calendar. I had a column of what I thought I was going to do and how much time I thought it would take me. Then over the course of the long weekend I filled in what I did and how long it really took me in another column. The results were interesting.

I had written a fairy tale in my head about how I spent my time. That it took only so much time to do certain activities and that I would get things done whether I felt like it or not. Reality was that I often got side tracked during tasks so they took much longer. The internet is a bigger detriment than I thought and if I was in the middle of a good book, I was often loathe to sacrifice reading time for doing time. The tasks I did complete were not always the tasks that had the most impact on my values and goals.

Color me gently rebuked. December has started off a little better. I'm more deliberate with my choices, or I try to be. I have taken my fibromyalgia into account and when there are environmental changes that I know are going to impact me, I pay more attention and adjust everyone's expectations - even those at work if needed. I have a running list of what I'm committed to and when things need to be accomplished and I've done a fairly decent job of updating the list daily or every other day. I've started eliminating those activities that don't serve me well if at all.

I want to rewrite my fairy tale. I love a happily ever after. In this case, the princess doesn't have the ability to bend time. Rather, she has the ability to make smart choices about her commitments and is not afraid of telling someone no or not right now. She's in control of her tasks and reviews them for efficacy and goodness of fit. Now, if she could also foresee the winning Power Ball numbers and dance as well as Ginger Rogers. I guess a girl can't have everything.

Making Time, First Be Honest

I'm great at making time to write. I feel a passion for writing. I burn to get words on the page, and I've built a habit over time that makes it easier for me to put my game face on and do the work. Home is a different matter. Making time to do the things that need to be done - dishes, laundry, cleaning, organizing the home office, paying bills, and so on - well, that's a struggle.

I sat down on Sunday to think about why this is. Why is it that when it's something I committed to do, whether I love the work or not, that it's so difficult for me to follow through. Especially at home. I find myself lacking focus. I'm distracted by prettier, shinier things. And my commitments get shifted further and further from the forefront of my mind.

Then I had my aha! Perhaps my lack of focus is because I don't want to take responsibility? What a humbling realization and a sneaky subconscious technique on my part. If I don't take responsibility, I don't have to be an equal partner. If something fails, it rests more on someone else's shoulders than my own. With less responsibility, I don't have to give voice to my fears or opinions. And, I don't have to feel like I must do the tasks involved if I really don't want to.

On the flip side, I don't get to share in the successes. I'm not using my time in an effective manner. I'm not playing the game on a level playing field.

My lack of focus is because my heart isn't in the game. Take this cleaning of the office I keep mentioning. If I don't clean it, I'm not working in a clutter and distraction free zone, but I also don't have to share the space because the husband doesn't have any room. If I don't clean the office, I have time for other things, but I ultimately waste time whenever I need to find something and have to search through piles and drawers. If I don't clean the office, I can forget about the tasks hiding for me on shelves, in in-baskets, on desktops and not do distasteful tasks, but if I don't clean the office something is going to bite me in the ass and it's likely to cost me big in either time, money or potentially relationships.

If I take responsibility, refocus, and just do the work, I will gain so much more than I could gain by putting it off.

This is the sort of exercise I had to do with myself to get to the heart of the matter. What am I telling myself about these things I keep pushing off until tomorrow? Why is that? What do I gain by continuing with my current state? What might I lose? Am I willing to change? Or am I okay with the status quo? Am I acting out of fear? A need for the status quo? Out of perfectionism? Out of a thought barrier of playing victim? Am I okay with that or do I want to break free and break through?

Without honesty, I don't think we can change. It may be hard to get to that honest truth. Facing our inner motivations isn't always pretty. And the work can be ugly. I'm here to tell you that it's worth it. Once you're honest, once you get your current motivation and whether it's counter to your goal/dream/passion, then you can start the process of change.

What do you keep wishing you could make time for? What do you keep putting off? Have you been honest with yourself about why? And if you're okay with the status quo, why are you still wishing?

Testing My Mettle

Remember waaaaay back when I started a goal process for decluttering the home office? My goal was to have surfaces decluttered by August 2nd. And I had promised publicly that I was going to have weekly updates. Including pictures.

That was on July 15th. And then nothing was heard from me about this topic again. There have been a few blog posts posted since then but I'll tell you a secret - I post the "Soundtrack Friday" and "Books Read In" posts way ahead of time. This way I know I'll have something on my blog every week. I don't do that with my other posts. Those are created more on the fly.

So, what's up with my internet silence? On July 21st I fell down a flight of stairs in the building where I work. I was on my way home and something threw me off balance and BAM! Next things I knew I was at the bottom of the stairs, my bags in a pile around me, my cell phone in two pieces and my body hurting so bad I was sure I had broken my legs. Much embarrassment, pain and drama later, I was assured all I had done was bruise muscle, bones and twisted my knee and two ankles. Not sprained, mind you. No breaks or fractures, Not even a concussion. Yes, I was in an ocean of hurt, but things could have been much, much worse.

I spent the better part of a week just healing. Worked from home, slept a lot. Then two weeks were spent gaining mobility. This week I can walk with just a little limp but I still can't put any pressure on my shins. It hurts like the blazes! So no kneeling. Even bending down and crouching hurts. And the office, well, it's still a mess.

This life event has really tested me and my flexibility. I'm good at making goals. I'm good at working toward keeping and meeting those goals. What this tumble down the stairs has reminded me is that I'm not so great with adapting when life tests my goals. Sometimes we need to stick to our guns and push on through so we can attain our objectives. Other times, like these past few weeks, you need to reassess and create new goals based on new information or new life circumstances.

Adapting our goals doesn't mean we have failed. It means the goals no longer fit the situation. Life isn't static. It stretches and grows and expands and contracts in all directions while we plod along. The wise person takes the changes in life into account and is nimble and flexible. I'm not that wise yet, but I'm getting there.

Later this week I'll post my revised goals. I don't know about pictures yet. I'm still trying to find the cord to my camera. It's likely under one of the piles of paper on my desk. *sigh*