Provocative Thought Wednesday

I'm going back to something I started several years ago here at Chasing Inspiration. I'm bringing back Provocative Thought Wednesday! And yes, I can see you rolling your eyes over there. Stop it!

I'm a big fan of Michael Bungay Stanier and his coaching methodology of Get Unstuck and Get Going...On the Stuff That Matters. I have found myself stuck a lot in the last months on various things with my life and had a duh moment when I looked at this little book on my desk I use with clients. I can use the same method with myself! I flipped through Get Unstuck, found a quotation with some thought provoking questions and let my brain noodle on how that quotation and those questions might apply to my issue at hand. It's not the full coaching I do with clients, but it was enough to get me out of my head and into an action plan.

So, on Wednesdays I'm going to offer a provocative thought and hope you, like me, will find it a valuable way to get outside of your head and look at things in your life a little differently.

To restart out this feature on Chasing Inspiration, I give you the following:

James Joyce's Ulysses is one of the most famous books in English literature. It's long, dense and difficult to read - and truly worth the effort. The last chapter, known as 'Penelope' is the the most famous. In it you hear for the first time the voice of Leopold Bloom's wife, Molly. And most famous of all is the last sentence, where she says yes 43 times. 

1. What are you saying Yes to? 

2. What do you want to say Yes to? 

Gratitudes:

1. Iced tea. Mmmmm.
2. Wild birds that rest in the trees in our yard and sing.
3. People who know far more about technology than I and are willing to sit with me and explain how things work. You are priceless!

Minimalism and Me

Last week I wanted to lament the time that got away from me due to the busyness that has been my life. Instead of whining and mourning the time I will never get back, I decided to make some changes to my life. Easier said than done.
The first thing I realized is that in order to make positive, lasting change in my life I need to determine what is and isn't working for me and my family right now. I've taken some time to ask my husband some questions about his vision for our future and his expectations of our partnership. Then I had to shut up and listen to some hard truths. What I have walked away with is this:

1. Less is more
2. I am not Wonder Woman, I don't have to try to do everything all by myself, I can say no or ask for assistance
3. When making agreements, write them down, make them actionable and follow through now not later
4. Less is more
5. My family doesn't need routines, my family needs meaningful habits
6. Communication about wants, needs and expectations is crucial 
7. Less is more

Okay, I really only have five things I walked away with instead of seven, but the "less is more" notion is something that I know in my head but for the last couple of years has been this voice whispering in my mind that simplifying isn't about being organized and building routines/habits. It's about less. Minimalism.

I'm not a minimalist. I have a closet full of clothes. Books everywhere. Cluttered surfaces (mostly paper which I swear breeds overnight!). My kitchen has more items than I'll ever use in a week or even a month. Then there's the crap in the basement. And perhaps this is part of my problem.

The more I have, the more I need to do to keep things in shape and the more time I have to put toward maintaining and/or justifying the things I have. What if I were to let go of the stuff? What would happen then? Would life become simpler because of this new less is more attitude? Or would it cause more stress? Is my stuff really taking away from the things I want to do? Are the activities I clutter my days with getting in the way of my passions and dreams?

I'm going to use books as an example. I love books. When I got married I owned maybe 20 books. I rarely purchased books in the first few years of marriage. I used the library a lot or I borrowed books from friends. Then one day I wanted to read a series the library didn't have and I couldn't get via interlibrary loan. So I started purchasing books. I bought them new or used. I received them as gifts. And my collection started to grow to where it is now at well over 2000 books. Where are all these books? Most of them are in boxes. Why? Because we are in the middle of renovating the house and bookshelves aren't high enough on the list yet. That and I think my husband keeps hoping I'll get rid of most of these books so he doesn't have to build as many bookshelves.

These books give me great joy and cause me great stress. They bring me joy because I love being surrounded by the written word. I love the stories and emotions and thoughts and knowledge books can share.  Given the opportunity, I will sit on my favorite chair with a pot of tea and will read endlessly for hours while the world passes by. Books are a passion.

My books are also a source of stress. I spend money I don't need to on books that often are purchased and then stacked somewhere unread until I have the time or desire to pick up a particular title and read it. Books collect dust, clutter surfaces and can get in the way of my space, time or relationships. My TBR (to be read) piles and boxes continue to grow and sometimes I'm paralyzed because I have so many choices of what to read that I don't get around to reading anything in my TBR piles and instead buy new books to read. You get the picture.

If I went with the "less is more" philosophy with my books, I would only keep books that had meaning and purpose in my life right now. I wouldn't hold on to series I've read and don't intend to read again. I wouldn't keep books because the author signed them or because I happen to know the author and want to support him/her. I would be ruthless about what in my TBR piles I'm actually going to read versus what I'm holding on to out of some meaningless habit to keep the books until they have been read.

After my heart to hear with the husband, I decided that since I had to move all the books being stored in the home office off the shelves while we move a window, I'm going to try some of this "less is more" attitude. It's going to hurt, but I'm going to commit to two shelves of books instead of five. If a book doesn't make it back into the office they don't get to stay in the house. I will find them good homes. I will catalog the books so I know what I used to own, if I ever read it, what purpose it had for me at the time. I need to free up the space so I can free up the office.

Books aren't bad. Stuff isn't bad. I'm not mad at my stuff, but I'm seeing now how some of the things in my life are distracting rather than uplifting. Sure, this less is more thing isn't saving the world, but I'm hoping it's a start to making those necessary and timely changes I need to make to move forward, and to have a happy, healthy family.

Light at the End

I have re-learned something in the last few months:  No matter how hard things get or how busy life gets, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Last week I blogged about how exhausted I was and how that exhaustion has awakened me to the need to refocus. One of the things I let go was my gratitude journal. How can I see the end of the tunnel if I'm not focusing on the light? I don't know about you, but I don't think I can. So I sat down last weekend and did some soul searching. Amidst all the things going on in my life, what am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for friends who offer me solace, comfort, understanding, advice and merriment. I'm thankful these friends take me as I am, because there are times I'm not pretty or uplifting. I'm thankful they stick by me even when I drop of the face of the earth and are willing to reconnect when I finally come up for air.

I'm thankful for my husband for many of the same reasons as above. I'm thankful he is skilled and gifted in ways that compliment my own skills and gifts, but in ways that also challenge me. I'm thankful for his never ending patience.

I'm thankful for my faith. I don't talk about it a lot. I'm of the earn the right to be heard philosophy so don't use my blog as a platform for my faith. That said, it's a large part of who I am and and I believe without my faith and without God there would be no light for me to look toward.

I'm thankful I can dream. I belong to a community of coaches and people who dream big dreams and don't want to stop there. They want to make dreams come true. Over the last year I thought I had lost my dreams, or at least my ability to dream. I hadn't. Those dreams were resting, waiting for me to have the energy to seek them again. Life would be so very grey without dreams.

So, I'm thankful. Now what? Where is that light at the end of this tunnel I've been in?
I think it has to do with friends, family, faith and dreams. I have friends and family surrounding and supporting me. I'm not an island and I'm not alone. This is a gift and a lightness I forget when I'm in the midst of the chaos. I have faith which, when I let it, gives me great joy and lightness of being. I have dreams to do great things and with my community and faith, I have a feeling these great things will happen.

That's the light. It's not a plan, it's nothing concrete. It's that pinprick of hope shining brightly in the dark showing me there is an end and if I follow that pinprick it will continue to grow until out of the darkness will emerge the exit to this tunnel. All I have to do is continue walking forward, one step at a time.

Acknowledge, Apologize, Amends, Repeat

Sometimes I can be an idiot.  And sometimes by being an idiot I can do such stupid little things that can really impact relationships.
Take this weekend for example. I was coordinating an event and had asked a friend to help out. She has an expertise I do not, so being the smart, intelligent woman I think I am, I asked her to provide her expertise for a portion of this event. I had every intention of paying her. Every intention of asking her ahead of time what I should set aside for payment. Instead of following through on my intention, I let it slip in between the other details of getting things ready.

Then Saturday came, again with the intention of making sure my friend was paid for her expertise, and excellent work. And still my brain let go of this very critical item. It occurred to me after the fact, too little too late.

I hate it when I feel someone has taken advantage of me. It rubs me completely the wrong way and can get in the way of relationships. I try to not be that person and it shamed me to know I had been that person this weekend. If I felt that way, how much worse did my friend feel?

What do we do when we realize we hurt someone and put our relationship on the line?

I don't know about you, but I worry about it and often let it fester, forgetting that the quickest way to initiating resolution is to acknowledge, apologize and make amends where amends can be made.  I don't know if it's human nature to dwell in that space where I know I've done something wrong and hurt someone to the point where all I can see is the worst case - she will hate me; there's no way to make it right; how can he ever see past this - but this is what I do. Have done it ever since I can remember. Maybe it's the writer in me, telling myself stories about what's happened instead of seeking the truth of the situation. Maybe it's my lack of confidence that whispers to me that once trust is broken it can never come back. Maybe it's my own past experiences raising their ugly heads. Regardless, it's not all about me and by staying in that negative space, the worry and actions become just that - all about me.

So last night, as I thought about my friend and surrounded myself with my issues, I stopped myself and what I needed to do became clear as crystal. I got over myself and decided to do what I needed to do - acknowledge, apologize and make amends. I have to trust now that when my friend says everything is okay, that everything truly is okay. And I need to take this life lesson and remember that when working with anyone, make sure expectations are discussed up front so everyone is on the same page. I know this. I live this in other areas of my life. I let myself forget this in the busyness that became my life as I was coordinating this event.

I would like to say I'll never forget again. I can't make that promise, even to myself. I can say with absolute conviction that I will be more intentional, especially when engaging the services and expertise of people I care about.

Acknowledge. Apologize. Make amends.  It doesn't always resolve issues and sometimes trust does need to be rebuilt. Or our picture of a person needs to be refocused so we can see past the hurt.  Owning up, being sincere and attempting to right the wrongs is definite movement toward reconciliation.  So are those two simple words - I'm sorry.

The Mire of Uncertainty

I'm starting to get back in the swing of things after my blogging hiatus. I've been thinking a lot about my friends who work for the company that will not be named and are facing lay-offs. It's hard to move forward when you don't know what the future holds. None of really do know the future but when times appear stable and secure we feel we have control over what will occur tomorrow, next week, even next year. When life tosses in chaos and ambiguity, we can be thrown off our game. That has happened to me more times than I care to count. And I have panicked. I'm learning to step back and not give head to my emotions.

My provocative thought for today has to do with living in the mire of the unknown.

Og Mandino, an American essayist, stated:

 If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel ill I will double my labor. If I fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will thin of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions.

 He also said:

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence. 

 I'm reminded by these quotes that while we don't have total control of the future with it's mire and muck, we do have control over our reactions and our thinking. We can think ourselves into panic and anxiety or we can master our emotions and move forward.

Which reality you live is up to you.

I'm not going to lie and say it is easy, but I believe God looks down on us with favor and that when we live within that favor we find peace and rest and can master our emotions. If you don't believe in God, I think you can still find that refuge from turmoil. It's in the choices you make and the realization that you are valuable and you have purpose and meaning.

Which reality will you choose?

I hope my friends who are feeling this very real uncertainty can find some peace this weekend. I hope they can reflect on their successes and know that regardless of whether they have a job at this company come next week or not there is something special waiting for them. I also hope they know they have support. When we live in uncertainty we often feel we are alone. We're not. This is the time to take stock of who is there to support us emotionally, socially, economically and even spiritually.

Who do we know who can help with job leads and establishing ourselves professionally? Who can commiserate with us in our time of loss and need? Who can kick us in the pants when we need to stop living in our emotion and start looking at action? Who can hold walk the road with us in understanding and compassion? Who can remind us of our successes and meaning and celebrate with us?

No, we're not alone. And we don't have to stay stuck in the mire.

Timely Intentions

A friend asked me what it took to find time to write. She's a mom with three children - a teenager without wheels, a tween who lives in high drama, and an active 4 year old. She works. She carpools. She cleans. She is truly the chief operating and finance officer for her family. She wants to write a book on her journey as a mom but didn't see how she could add that on top of an already busy life.

I thought about her question and the first thing that came to my mind was, "how does she do it?" She balances so much and still manages to have an organized house, well adjusted children and from the outside looking in it appears she has a healthy marriage. I struggle to keep the house organized and I don't even have children!

More and more I understand we are all gifted with the same hours in a day. All of us. We all have 24 hours. We all choose what we will fill those hours with. If we don't choose for ourselves, someone else will choose for us. 

I used to bemoan the fact I didn't have enough time to write. A good friend who is willing to hold up a mirror and call me on my crap suggested I do a time study where I would write down what I was doing every 15 minutes. I used my daily planner and every 15 minutes wrote down what I was doing. It was enlightening to see how much time I spent getting side tracked, how much time I spent surfing the web aimlessly after I accomplished a task such as paying bills or emailing a friend. Then there was the amount of time I spent reading. And the day dreaming.

None of these activities are negative on their own. Pile them together and I saw that my days were getting away from me because I was allowing my inner ADOS (attention deficit ohhh shiny syndrome) to dictate where my time went. The saying that where we spend our money and our time tells people a lot about what we value and who we are suddenly rang true for me. I said I wanted to write but how I spent my time told a completely different story.

That day I started to live with my eyes open and with intention. I'm still learning. There are still those days where at the end of it all I feel like I have accomplished nothing. Those days are few compared to a couple of years ago.

So, when my friend asked me what it takes to find time to write I answer it takes intention. Time management, it's a myth. Living lives with intention and being consciously aware of the choices we are making and how those choices impact our desires and commitments, that's a reality. Making time to write, go back to school, volunteer, learn a new skill, that's all about intention.

Are you walking awake and with intention? If not, what's getting in your way?


To continue the theme of gratitude, today I'm thankful for:

1. Cadbury hot chocolate mix
2. Being able to speak honestly with my husband and know I am heard even when we have those difficult discussions
3. Knowledgeable people in my life who I can turn to when I need advice, especially this week with Velcro Dog 
4. Friends who have amazing fashion sense who I can email with my fashion questions. I would be lost without you!
5. That my car is working again.

Catch Me, I'm Falling

I was going to post about the second book I picked up over the holidays but I haven't made it past the first chapter. Not because it's not any good. On the contrary, it's a great book but  I want to focus on one thing at a time. That's a part of this mire I find myself navigating - I want to do float from good idea to good idea and I can't seem to find purchase enough to see one idea through. So I'm sticking with gratitude and generosity right now.

I want to practice gratitude. It was difficult today. We had yet more snow. I  developed a killer migraine. My car is still in the shop and the dealer we purchased it from is being a little smarmy. So today I'm digging in deep to find five things that in this moment I am very grateful for.

1. I am grateful I have a warm home and can afford the heating bill that comes with living in the snow belt in the winter.
2. The traffic was really light on the way home, which made it really easy to get home quickly after work.
3. My husband took the dog for his evening walk, which is usually my job. He did it with grace and love which is such a gift.
4. My husband is a wonderful man who out  of the blue will bring me chocolate or ice cream. Sometimes both.
5. While it's still snowing outside, I am thankful about how magical fresh snow makes the winter landscape look.It's inspiring.

The Mire and The Gratitude

For a while now I have felt as though I'm starting over. I'm caught in this between world of what I used to be and how I am becoming. Perhaps starting over isn't the right term. I'm in this mire of becoming. I call it a mire because for the last couple of months it has felt mucky and boggy. I'm not stuck, but my forward progress is very, very slow. And messy.

2010 is over and we are in the second week of 2011. I turn 40 in just under 2 months. I'm itching to move past the mire and become already. Realistically I know becoming takes time, but living in this mire has made me impatient to see at least a glimpse of the end result and to know I won't be caught here forever.

Over the holidays I picked up a couple of books that I'm reading. Normally I would pick up books on writing, life coaching, money management, organization or a topic that has something to do with a book I’m writing. This time I did something different. Something to help me move forward.

One of the books I purchased is One Simple Act: Discovering the Power of Generosity by author Debbie Macomber. Just as the title states, the book is about intentional acts of generosity and how these acts can change our lives. From her website:

Debbie Macomber, through the power of story, invites us to live with open hands, offering who we are and what we have to God, to use in the lives of others. When we do so, lives—including our own—are changed in ways we couldn't have imagined. All it takes is one simple act.

The book is divided into seventeen easy to read chapters and each chapter ends with some thoughts or call to action to help the reader apply the lessons within the chapter. I read chapter one this weekend and one of the calls to action is to start a gratitude journal. I used to be very good at journaling. I found some of the journals from my early marriage while cleaning boxes the other day and I was so glad I chronicled those moments of my life. Part of my mire, I think, is founded in not really taking the time to reflect. And definitely not taking time to be grateful. If I learn nothing else from this book I think it is that I need to take the time. Starting today I will be posting daily 5 things for which I am grateful.

Tomorrow I will post more on the second book I picked up. For now I’ll end with some gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for a patient and partnering husband who gets me and allows me the space to be.
2. I’m grateful for a loaner vehicle while my car has been in the shop for the past 3 weeks
3. I’m grateful we built ourselves an emergency fund so when issues like said car come up we aren’t scrambling to figure out how to pay for repairs.
4. I’m grateful I work for an amazing manager! You know who you are.
5. I’m grateful for authors like Debbie Macomber who remind me that there is so much to be grateful for in life.

Provocative Thought Wednesday - That's Funny

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" ( I have found it), but "That's funny...         ~Isaac Asimov 

I spend a lot of time trying to find the best way to do something - the best way to develop or improve a process at work. The best way to communicate something. The best way to write that scene. The best way to organize my books. The best way to spend time bonding with my husband.

Sometimes the best way crashes down on my like the roar of a symphony. Here I am, it says to me in flashing lights and neon arrows. Most of the time it's while I'm fumbling around with an idea or when I'm doing something mundane like the dishes that an idea strikes me like the quiet autumn breeze - a subtle barely there tickle of a whisper. It's something different. Odd. Funny. And focusing on that little tickle moves to a much better direction.

What feels a little odd to you?
What does that tell you?

Provocative Thought Wednesday

Simplify!     ~ Henry David Thoreau, philosopher

1. What can you stop doing right now? 
2. What can you get rid of right now? 

Simplification should be, well, simple. And yet we make the process complicated. Take my Office Downsize Project for example. Before I asked my friend to lend me her objectivity and support, I created a complex plan to simplify and declutter. A plan I had a hard time executing because it was so complicated. 

If I instead had asked myself the above questions I may have had a cleaner, more organized office a whole lot sooner. 

So, what about you? 

I Don't Wanna Be A Pirate

I have once again experienced life getting in the way of plans. It irks me when this happens because I should be able to set priorities and set a schedule and stick to it. I know all the tricks. I apply them all the time. So why was maintaining my blog such a chore for me in April? The answer, my day job. But in a good way.

I'm currently managing at team of 16 plus 2 additional people. It's an interim thing that I've been doing since January. We have a new manager for the team of 16 who will be back to take up the mantel on the 10th. In the meantime, I'm stretched. Way beyond stretched some days. And I use all my energy at work motivating the team and helping them with their questions and student situations. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun and challenging, but I don't want to be a supervisor of 16 people. Not for my first foray into supervision. I found myself saying to my husband after particularly challenging days, "I don't wanna be a pirate!"

For those of you not in the know, this is from an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry somehow agreed to wear a puffy pirate shirt on TV. Jerry didn't want to wear the shirt and be seen as a pirate.

I want to coach at work. But I don't want to have 16 direct reports. It's an experiment that needed to be done and I'm glad for it. I know I have it in me to supervise and some day maybe that's what I'll be. But right now I want to focus on other things and it's good to know that about myself. Fear had kept me from this type of role in the past and I can honestly say fear is no longer a factor. :)

What's your pirate shirt? Have you tried it on for size before discarding the idea all together? If yes, what did you learn? If not, what's holding you back?

Halp!

Okay, the title for this post is from the movie The Fifth Element. If you haven't yet seen it, you're missing some kooky fun. Anyway...

In my quest to not only make time to clean and organize my home office, I decided I could no longer move forward with this project on my own. Instead of muddling through by myself and getting stuck in the big picture or mired in the details, I enlisted the help of a trusted friend who is more than capable of organizing space.


It took me a long time to come to this decision. I had to work through the expectations I had of what I should have been able to and by when. I am able to help other people organize themselves, but I have to work very hard to organize myself. So I had this picture in my head that I could, no should, be able to do this on my own. Looking around the office, and at my procrastination with the project, I made the decision to go ahead and ask for assistance. And, no offense to my husband who has offered to work on this project with, but I needed someone who didn't have a vested interest in the project.

Enter Christine. In one evening we cleaned off the desk surface, a couple of shelves and the piles on the floor. I had two bags for Goodwill, several bags of recycling and everything I didn't know how to organize or wasn't sure I was going to keep was neatly organized in labeled bags. The room looked larger and I wanted to be in the space for the first time in months. Since last fall, to be exact.

Later this week we are going to work on this some more. The goal is to not have to buy any new furniture (though I can make lists of what I want in the future to make the room more usable), and to purchase the fewest number of organizational devices/tools possible all while maintaining a feel that is a cross between homey comfort and minimalism. I mean, I like my books and pictures, but I don't need to have piles of them on the floor.

I do this all the time with clients. I walk them through what is keeping them stuck so they can move forward. I was unable to do this for myself and when I was ready to ask for help, help was there for the taking. Sometimes, it's all about realizing we can lean on people in our lives for a little while.

When you find yourself overwhelmed by a project, who do you turn to for motivation? What do you do to unfreeze yourself?

Living In The Moment

I started a series last year about making time to do that thing you've been wanting to do but never getting around to. We started with being honest. And listening to the words we use. I do believe that this is one of the first steps toward making time. I could go on further about the language we use, but I was struck this week about living in the moment.

How does living in the moment correspond with making time? I hope to begin to sketch that map for you, but first, let's look at living in the moment.

Living in the moment is about being in the now. Being present. Awake. And aware. We often sleep walk through life, not fully aware of how we impact others and how they impact us. We react. We let the world run roughshod over us and our intentions. Of we simply let life pass us by while we attempt to control it.

In order to make time to do the things that matter most to us, we need to be aware and awake in the moment. This moment. We need to be aware of the things that impede our progress and aware of the things that support it. While I could go on and on about this, I want to focus on one thing - being aware and awake in our choices.

We are constantly making choices. Yet how many of us are aware and conscious of the choices we make? Why did I choose that outfit to wear to work? What drove me to order that latte instead of water? Why did I choose to open one email over another? These are decisions we often make on auto pilot. And while many of those decisions may not hurt our intentions of making time, they can if we aren't aware.

Here's my example. I made an agreement with myself that I would write every evening for 30 minutes. I put it on my calendar, on my PDA, and told a few friends my intentions so they could help motivate me. The first week went great. Then my unconscious choices took over. I had an opportunity to have dinner and drinks with a friend I hadn't seen in ages. Of course I would connect with her. And I didn't write that night. At bed time I told myself that was okay, I would write tomorrow.

Later that week I got into a conversation on renovations with my husband. That took longer than expected but instead of stopping and evaluating my evening, I made the unconscious choice to stick with the usual evening routine of watching reruns on TV. More and more evenings were taken up with unconscious choices I made because I wasn't awake in the moment. I was on autopilot.

Some would say I didn't want the writing badly enough to stick to it. I say I did, but I had to wake up enough to be aware I was my own worst enemy. When I woke up I was able to stop the routine, stop the unconscious choices and ask myself what mattered more - writing or that thing I had always done. Sometimes the other choice won, but I was deliberate in my choice, acknowledging what I was letting go in order to sit with my husband and watch TV or spend an evening with a friend.

When we are awake and alive in the moment, I believe we can be true to our intentions. We can see patterns of behavior that aren't helping us and work to break those patterns. We can be honest with ourselves and about what matters most.

Are you awake in this moment? If not, what can you do to become more aware and more intentional?

Stepping Into the 21st Century

My husband and I finally entered the 21st century. At least when it comes to our internet connection. We've had cable for years and years - since I was teaching at my previous employer, in fact. Cable modems are great. The connection is fast and the price, at the time, was right! The down side was we could only have one computer online at a time.

Last summer we procured a router so we could have 2 Ethernet connections to the cable modem. With TV going digital we needed to do something so we could record TV and thanks to my husband's know how we were able to build a Media Center computer system (acts like a TV tuner and a DVR) AND have the desktop hooked up to the internet at the same time. Snazzy, but so late 20th century. Or so I'm told.

Fast forward to this month. We facilitate classes through our church. The classes run 13 weeks and then they are done. No more support. No more lessons. You're on your own unless you want to take the class again. For free, but it's still a huge time commitment. Or unless you want to spend money to belong to an online community for support.

Several graduates of the course approached us about getting together as a group so we could talk the baby steps and support each other through the continuing journey. A and I were all for that and had our first alumni meeting last Saturday. During that meeting, the Budget Crunching Party was born! Everyone wanted help with either developing a budget or refining one. Why not get everyone in the same room and go over it all together, right? So this Saturday we will again be opening up our home for our alums. Then we had a moment of panic. Some of the people in our group use the online budgeting software. Others use online banking to help them budget. How on earth were we going to turn two internet connections into enough internet for up to 6 people?

There is when we had our a ha! moment. Airport Extreme. We've been wanting wi-fi for ages and have been putting it off because, well, it's a nice to have not a need to have. Until now. And we had some Christmas money socked away waiting to be put to use on a present for the house. It took two seconds to decide to buy the house the wi-fi router. The wireless router cam home home on Sunday and last night we set it up. While it doesn't change the set up for our Media Center computer or the desktop (our main computer), or my 10 year old Apple Powerbook (doesn't have a wi-fi card) , it will allow us to use our work laptops in any room of the house. And will allow our alumni group members to bring their wi-fi enabled laptops or netbooks to our house and use them as we have our budget party!

I am giddy with delight! I can keep on top of email while watching TV which means I won't have a million email messages waiting to be cleared out on the weekends. I can take the computer outside and sit on the deck when it gets warm and surf away. We can network all the computers to the back up server and to each other making it easier to access information on any of the computers in the house. We are now THOSE PEOPLE who have many computers for different purposes and use them all! I LOVE IT!

So welcome us to the 21st century. I may still be using a cell phone that I can't text or web surf on, but we have wifi! Ah, life is good.

Your Purpose is Showing

There is a theme creeping through my life both at home and at work. Several themes that coalesce into one - what is my purpose. That's a big concept. I've struggled off and on with defining my purpose and understanding how my dreams, values, beliefs and passions define and are defined by my purpose. I've taken courses, been coached, read books, reflected and prayed in attempts to discover just that - my purpose.

What is so important about knowing your purpose in life?

I'll answer for me. When I understand my purpose I can be more intentional. I have a foundation on which to build my decisions and choices. I can look at each job I do, each task I have and weigh it against my purpose. If my activities don't mesh with my purpose then something needs to change.

2009 was a year of stripping away layers of my life that didn't make sense any more. In doing so I've caught stronger glimpses of my purpose, not just what I want my purpose to be. I think that's important. I can want my purpose in life to be a welcoming and hospitable oasis for others but if I don't have the right talents or passions to go along with this purpose, I could very well be setting myself up for failure. Failure isn't awful - it shows us what isn't working so we can search out what will. That said, if I know in my heart that I don't have the talents or passion for being that hospitable oasis, perhaps I'm seeking out the wrong purpose for me.

Am I any closer to that definitive understanding of my purpose? Closer, yes. Defined, not quite yet. But I'm working on it.

Do you know what your purpose in life is? What has helped you to define your purpose?

Christmas Spirit

Today it dawned on me, finally, that Christmas is only three days away. I have purchased nothing. I have baked nothing. I have no cards picked out yet alone addressed. There is no tree. No decorations. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Am I panicked? No, and I'll tell you why I'm not.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if I get the nephews and nieces their presents on time, or if I have the perfect homemade cookies or if cards reach family and friends before the 25th. At the end of the day it matters that I show up. That I'm present and engaged and fully with the people I love. The trappings of Christmas don't equal being present.

So, if this year my family gets New Year's or Epiphany gifts instead of Christmas gifts, that's okay. If I bring store bought goodies to parties, that's totally fine. And if I choose to spend my time with the people I love instead of rushing around to find the perfect tree or card or gift, that's just fine.

If you're feeling the crunch this holiday season, I encourage to take a deep breath and to

remember that it's not about the stuff or the decorations or the food. It's about being present. Fully and completely connecting with those who matter most. So let go of the worry that it's not going to be perfect or the stress of getting it all done. You're not a failure if you don't. I repeat, you are not a failure. In fact, if you are present and engaged you are a huge success! People

notice these things and remember them. It's in being present that you truly touch lives.

Here's to a guilt-free holiday season for everyone! Merry Christmas!

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time in a land not so different from our own, there lived a princess. This princess had the magic ability to squeeze more hours into her day than the average person. No, she didn't sleep less or stop eating. She was able to bend the physics of time in order to squeeze in more to every minute.

Because of her special ability, the princess often over committed herself. Which increased her need to bend and manipulate time. Every time she squeezed more into a minute, her special ability lost some of its potency, which made each attempt more and more tiring and difficult.

Eventually the princess was unable to bend time. No matter how she tried she could not squeeze any more into a minute than her normal subjects could. She was exhausted, stressed and unhappy.

How often do we fall prey to the myth that we can have more hours in our day? It's impossible to have more than 24 hours in a 24 hour day. And yet we all want to stuff more and more into our days. Like me with my Office Downsize Project. Which is woefully behind. Why? Because I was over committed. I didn't take into account all the things that I had already committed to and how much time they would require of me. I didn't look at my commitments and eliminate or delegate something. I held on to them all and kept thinking, as so many of my clients do, that if I only had the right tool or the right timer or the right something I could get it all done.

I gave my Make Time To Write talk to my writing group back in October. And I was reminded that I only have 24 hours in a day. How am I spending those 24 hours and does that match up with my goals? If the answer is they don't match very well then Houston, we have a problem.

I was ill over Thanksgiving so I spent some time filling out a hypothetical calendar. I had a column of what I thought I was going to do and how much time I thought it would take me. Then over the course of the long weekend I filled in what I did and how long it really took me in another column. The results were interesting.

I had written a fairy tale in my head about how I spent my time. That it took only so much time to do certain activities and that I would get things done whether I felt like it or not. Reality was that I often got side tracked during tasks so they took much longer. The internet is a bigger detriment than I thought and if I was in the middle of a good book, I was often loathe to sacrifice reading time for doing time. The tasks I did complete were not always the tasks that had the most impact on my values and goals.

Color me gently rebuked. December has started off a little better. I'm more deliberate with my choices, or I try to be. I have taken my fibromyalgia into account and when there are environmental changes that I know are going to impact me, I pay more attention and adjust everyone's expectations - even those at work if needed. I have a running list of what I'm committed to and when things need to be accomplished and I've done a fairly decent job of updating the list daily or every other day. I've started eliminating those activities that don't serve me well if at all.

I want to rewrite my fairy tale. I love a happily ever after. In this case, the princess doesn't have the ability to bend time. Rather, she has the ability to make smart choices about her commitments and is not afraid of telling someone no or not right now. She's in control of her tasks and reviews them for efficacy and goodness of fit. Now, if she could also foresee the winning Power Ball numbers and dance as well as Ginger Rogers. I guess a girl can't have everything.

Be Inspired

I love zenhabits.net. I think I love it because it promotes simplicity and lately I've been attempting to simplify many things in my life. There's a practical element to the Zen Habits blog that urges me forward to take steps to reach that rarefied state of simplicity. Which brings me to today's entry.

Today, Leo Babauta, the owner of the Zen Habits blog, has a great post on inspiration and a simple way to produce inspiration. I'm reposting the article here. And lest you think I'm infringing copyright - something I really try to stay away from - Leo believes in something called "Open Source Blogging" and you can read all about that here.

Read the post. And practice Breath of God Inspiration yourself. Then tell me how it went. I plan to go through the three steps myself later today and will post my experience.

Post written by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net

The word “inspiration” to some literally means “the breath of God”.

Whether you’re religious or not, the idea of God or a god or a muse breathing inspiration into the depth of our beings is a beautiful one. Even if the world is naught but a natural miracle, this idea can lift you up, and give you the spark of life to *do* something great.

That’s inspiration at its absolute best: not just when it lifts us up, makes us feel good or enthusiastic or excited, but when it *moves* us, when we become so moved that we create something of truth or beauty.

It’s an elusive thing, this pure inspiration, something people of all types of creativity seek on a daily basis. Here’s one method — a simple method I hope will help you in that everyday search.

It’s three simple steps:

1. Find something divinely touched.
2. Breathe in that divine inspiration.
3. Do. Create. Inspire.

Let’s look at each step in turn.

Step 1. Find something divinely touched.
For this step, I use a loose definition of “divine” … you don’t have to be religious to find divinity in something. When Mozart wrote a symphony, or Jobs created the Macbook Air, or a stranger smiles at you, there is divinity in that. There’s divinity in a sunset, in every living thing (why I’m a vegan), in a cool breeze on a humid day.

You just need to recognize the inspiration, in whatever form it comes.

Here are my greatest sources of inspiration:

* People doing great things.
* Things of great beauty.
* Nature.
* Music.
* The written word: books, magazines, blogs.
* People in your life.
* Love, in any form.
* Yourself, doing anything good, no matter how tiny.

Step 2. Breathe in that divine inspiration.
Take a slow, deep breath. As the air comes into your mouth or nostrils, through your throat, and fills your lungs, it is bringing divine inspiration into your body.

Repeat. Each inhalation brings with it more inspiration, and each exhalation releases tension.

Step 3. Do. Create. Inspire.
You are now filled with the Breath of God. Take this inspiration and use it, be moved, and do something. Don’t just sit there feeling good. Channel that inspiration into creating something amazing.

Put that something out into the world, and in turn, you will inspire others.

“I am convinced that there are universal currents of Divine Thought vibrating the ether everywhere and that any who can feel these vibrations is inspired.” -Richard Wagner

The above information on the Breath of God Inspiration was brought to you by Leo Babauta and his blog zenhabits.net

Making Time, First Be Honest

I'm great at making time to write. I feel a passion for writing. I burn to get words on the page, and I've built a habit over time that makes it easier for me to put my game face on and do the work. Home is a different matter. Making time to do the things that need to be done - dishes, laundry, cleaning, organizing the home office, paying bills, and so on - well, that's a struggle.

I sat down on Sunday to think about why this is. Why is it that when it's something I committed to do, whether I love the work or not, that it's so difficult for me to follow through. Especially at home. I find myself lacking focus. I'm distracted by prettier, shinier things. And my commitments get shifted further and further from the forefront of my mind.

Then I had my aha! Perhaps my lack of focus is because I don't want to take responsibility? What a humbling realization and a sneaky subconscious technique on my part. If I don't take responsibility, I don't have to be an equal partner. If something fails, it rests more on someone else's shoulders than my own. With less responsibility, I don't have to give voice to my fears or opinions. And, I don't have to feel like I must do the tasks involved if I really don't want to.

On the flip side, I don't get to share in the successes. I'm not using my time in an effective manner. I'm not playing the game on a level playing field.

My lack of focus is because my heart isn't in the game. Take this cleaning of the office I keep mentioning. If I don't clean it, I'm not working in a clutter and distraction free zone, but I also don't have to share the space because the husband doesn't have any room. If I don't clean the office, I have time for other things, but I ultimately waste time whenever I need to find something and have to search through piles and drawers. If I don't clean the office, I can forget about the tasks hiding for me on shelves, in in-baskets, on desktops and not do distasteful tasks, but if I don't clean the office something is going to bite me in the ass and it's likely to cost me big in either time, money or potentially relationships.

If I take responsibility, refocus, and just do the work, I will gain so much more than I could gain by putting it off.

This is the sort of exercise I had to do with myself to get to the heart of the matter. What am I telling myself about these things I keep pushing off until tomorrow? Why is that? What do I gain by continuing with my current state? What might I lose? Am I willing to change? Or am I okay with the status quo? Am I acting out of fear? A need for the status quo? Out of perfectionism? Out of a thought barrier of playing victim? Am I okay with that or do I want to break free and break through?

Without honesty, I don't think we can change. It may be hard to get to that honest truth. Facing our inner motivations isn't always pretty. And the work can be ugly. I'm here to tell you that it's worth it. Once you're honest, once you get your current motivation and whether it's counter to your goal/dream/passion, then you can start the process of change.

What do you keep wishing you could make time for? What do you keep putting off? Have you been honest with yourself about why? And if you're okay with the status quo, why are you still wishing?

Making Time

If you're in the Cities today and want something to do at 11:30, I'm going to be presenting a workshop on Making Time to Write at my local RWA chapter. Go to www.midwestfiction.com for more info.

And on that note, the entire topic of making time to do whatever it is that seems to be eluding us has been on my mind lately. It stems from a discussion I had with the husband about fulfilling some commitments I had made back in January/February when I was still looking for work. Those commitments were urgent while I was unemployed but as soon as I found work they became less important. To me, anyway.

So I thought about why I wasn't fulfilling these commitments. Was it time? Where the tasks too difficult? Too easy? Why had I let them slide?

The answer came quickly. The tasks were things I just didn't deem important. So I procrastinated instead of just getting them done. I kept telling myself I would do them tomorrow, someday, later. They kept falling to the bottom of my personal priority list and I just didn't make time.

Writing can be like that. We can say we want to write. We can take the classes, listen to the tapes, read the books, attend the seminars, but until we are willing to commit writing will never be a priority.

There are many reasons why we don't make time. I'm talking about some of those tomorrow in my workshop. And I'm thinking about doing a brief series about these reasons here on this blog. The concepts work with any goal we might be chasing but never seem to catch. My husband is really hopeful that I'll apply these strategies to my own tasks and finally get those commitments completed. *grin*