Provocative Thought Wednesday

I'm going back to something I started several years ago here at Chasing Inspiration. I'm bringing back Provocative Thought Wednesday! And yes, I can see you rolling your eyes over there. Stop it!

I'm a big fan of Michael Bungay Stanier and his coaching methodology of Get Unstuck and Get Going...On the Stuff That Matters. I have found myself stuck a lot in the last months on various things with my life and had a duh moment when I looked at this little book on my desk I use with clients. I can use the same method with myself! I flipped through Get Unstuck, found a quotation with some thought provoking questions and let my brain noodle on how that quotation and those questions might apply to my issue at hand. It's not the full coaching I do with clients, but it was enough to get me out of my head and into an action plan.

So, on Wednesdays I'm going to offer a provocative thought and hope you, like me, will find it a valuable way to get outside of your head and look at things in your life a little differently.

To restart out this feature on Chasing Inspiration, I give you the following:

James Joyce's Ulysses is one of the most famous books in English literature. It's long, dense and difficult to read - and truly worth the effort. The last chapter, known as 'Penelope' is the the most famous. In it you hear for the first time the voice of Leopold Bloom's wife, Molly. And most famous of all is the last sentence, where she says yes 43 times. 

1. What are you saying Yes to? 

2. What do you want to say Yes to? 

Gratitudes:

1. Iced tea. Mmmmm.
2. Wild birds that rest in the trees in our yard and sing.
3. People who know far more about technology than I and are willing to sit with me and explain how things work. You are priceless!

Acknowledge, Apologize, Amends, Repeat

Sometimes I can be an idiot.  And sometimes by being an idiot I can do such stupid little things that can really impact relationships.
Take this weekend for example. I was coordinating an event and had asked a friend to help out. She has an expertise I do not, so being the smart, intelligent woman I think I am, I asked her to provide her expertise for a portion of this event. I had every intention of paying her. Every intention of asking her ahead of time what I should set aside for payment. Instead of following through on my intention, I let it slip in between the other details of getting things ready.

Then Saturday came, again with the intention of making sure my friend was paid for her expertise, and excellent work. And still my brain let go of this very critical item. It occurred to me after the fact, too little too late.

I hate it when I feel someone has taken advantage of me. It rubs me completely the wrong way and can get in the way of relationships. I try to not be that person and it shamed me to know I had been that person this weekend. If I felt that way, how much worse did my friend feel?

What do we do when we realize we hurt someone and put our relationship on the line?

I don't know about you, but I worry about it and often let it fester, forgetting that the quickest way to initiating resolution is to acknowledge, apologize and make amends where amends can be made.  I don't know if it's human nature to dwell in that space where I know I've done something wrong and hurt someone to the point where all I can see is the worst case - she will hate me; there's no way to make it right; how can he ever see past this - but this is what I do. Have done it ever since I can remember. Maybe it's the writer in me, telling myself stories about what's happened instead of seeking the truth of the situation. Maybe it's my lack of confidence that whispers to me that once trust is broken it can never come back. Maybe it's my own past experiences raising their ugly heads. Regardless, it's not all about me and by staying in that negative space, the worry and actions become just that - all about me.

So last night, as I thought about my friend and surrounded myself with my issues, I stopped myself and what I needed to do became clear as crystal. I got over myself and decided to do what I needed to do - acknowledge, apologize and make amends. I have to trust now that when my friend says everything is okay, that everything truly is okay. And I need to take this life lesson and remember that when working with anyone, make sure expectations are discussed up front so everyone is on the same page. I know this. I live this in other areas of my life. I let myself forget this in the busyness that became my life as I was coordinating this event.

I would like to say I'll never forget again. I can't make that promise, even to myself. I can say with absolute conviction that I will be more intentional, especially when engaging the services and expertise of people I care about.

Acknowledge. Apologize. Make amends.  It doesn't always resolve issues and sometimes trust does need to be rebuilt. Or our picture of a person needs to be refocused so we can see past the hurt.  Owning up, being sincere and attempting to right the wrongs is definite movement toward reconciliation.  So are those two simple words - I'm sorry.

The Mire of Uncertainty

I'm starting to get back in the swing of things after my blogging hiatus. I've been thinking a lot about my friends who work for the company that will not be named and are facing lay-offs. It's hard to move forward when you don't know what the future holds. None of really do know the future but when times appear stable and secure we feel we have control over what will occur tomorrow, next week, even next year. When life tosses in chaos and ambiguity, we can be thrown off our game. That has happened to me more times than I care to count. And I have panicked. I'm learning to step back and not give head to my emotions.

My provocative thought for today has to do with living in the mire of the unknown.

Og Mandino, an American essayist, stated:

 If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel ill I will double my labor. If I fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will thin of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions.

 He also said:

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence. 

 I'm reminded by these quotes that while we don't have total control of the future with it's mire and muck, we do have control over our reactions and our thinking. We can think ourselves into panic and anxiety or we can master our emotions and move forward.

Which reality you live is up to you.

I'm not going to lie and say it is easy, but I believe God looks down on us with favor and that when we live within that favor we find peace and rest and can master our emotions. If you don't believe in God, I think you can still find that refuge from turmoil. It's in the choices you make and the realization that you are valuable and you have purpose and meaning.

Which reality will you choose?

I hope my friends who are feeling this very real uncertainty can find some peace this weekend. I hope they can reflect on their successes and know that regardless of whether they have a job at this company come next week or not there is something special waiting for them. I also hope they know they have support. When we live in uncertainty we often feel we are alone. We're not. This is the time to take stock of who is there to support us emotionally, socially, economically and even spiritually.

Who do we know who can help with job leads and establishing ourselves professionally? Who can commiserate with us in our time of loss and need? Who can kick us in the pants when we need to stop living in our emotion and start looking at action? Who can hold walk the road with us in understanding and compassion? Who can remind us of our successes and meaning and celebrate with us?

No, we're not alone. And we don't have to stay stuck in the mire.

Running with the Bulls

Running with the Bulls
Originally uploaded by BaileyC

The Running of the Bulls in Pamplona is a celebration every July for St. Fermin, the city's patron saint. The run is a little over 800 meters long, 903 yards for you Americans. It lasts approximately 4 minutes and has resulted in the deaths of at least 13 people in the last 100 years. From the pictures, it looks like true and utter chaos to have 6 bulls and 6 steers (oxen)

The city of Pamplona advises, "Reunners need to be calm people with good reflexes and in excellent physical shape."

Think about a challenge you currently have.

• If you were perfectly calm, what would you notice about your challenge? 
• If you were in excellent physical shape, what could you do?
• What's the most dangerous thing you could do?  

Follow the Sun

There is this amazing thing about sunflowers. When the flower is a bud, the sunflower will follow the sun across the sky over the course of the day. It somehow knows it needs the sun to grow that bud into a flower head so it tracks the sun as the sun make's its journey across the sky.
Once it flowers the head faces east. Away from the heat that could damage those tasty seeds. It protects itself against something that was once nurturing that may now be destructive.

I often think about sunflowers tracking the sun. They seem to know what they need and they know just how to get it! I wish I was more like that.

I don't always do what I know I need to. I stay up too late reading or watching TV instead of going to bed at an hour that supports good health. I don't make the best food choices. I don't always do the right thing with my time. I don't follow the sun. Or, I don't realize what I needed last week or last year isn't going to help me today. To be more deliberate about my choices, I ask myself the following questions:

• What repents the sun in my life? What do I need more of? 
• When does a good thing become too much? 
• The sunflower's goal is to produce fruit (seeds). Is what I focus on getting me closer to my goal? Or further away? 

Provocative Thought Wednesday

“When I visited my brother in Ngukurr, an Aboriginal community in Australia’s Northern Territory, one of the most amazing things was to see the blanket of stars stretching from horizon to horizon. It was a powerful reminder about just how small this moment of time is compared to the vastness of the universe.”

 ~ M. B. Stanier (lifecoach and entrepreneur)

If you’ve ever tried to gaze up at the stars in the city, you know the distraction of the city lights, the cars; even smog can keep us from clearly seeing the stars. Think of these stars as our goals or the positive things in our lives. When we can’t see them clearly, it’s difficult to stay motivated or to be able to find out optimistic selves.

When we turn off the lights the stars no longer have to compete with the distraction of the city lights and we can see, them crisp and clear against the midnight sky. The same thing happens when we remove those things that distract us from our goals. These things that challenge us right now, they aren’t going to be around forever. The stars will continue to shine whether we see them or not.

Think of something that is challenging or distracting you.

•  What happens when you clear aware the distractions? What’s the “bottom line” about your challenge
•  When you are 95 years old, what do you want to say about your life?

Provocative Thought Wednesday

 “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

~ Oprah Winfrey

There is a saying that no one is an island. I used to wonder what that meant and over time I have come to the conclusion that we don’t walk through life alone. To be successful we need people. People who will accept us. People who will accept us as we are - the good, the bad, the ugly. People who are willing to ride the bus with us when the limo of life breaks down and things get messy. People who will mourn our losses and celebrate our successes. People who are also willing to tell us the truth because they want to help us grow and become our best authentic selves.

These people are our allies and supporters. When we have them in our lives, we are blessed. When they are absent, the road can seem even more difficult and our challenges insurmountable.

·   Who would be a powerful ally and supporter for you?

·   How can you recruit them? 

Provocative Thought Wednesday

"There is no path. You make the path when you walk."

~ Antonio Machado, poet

What action will you take that's off the "usual path"?

Provocative Thought Wednesday

I wasted time, and now doth Time waste me; For now hath Time made me his numb'ring clock; my thoughts are minutes." ~ William Shakespeare, playwright

 I believe this quotation to be about procrastination. We all do things to waste time. Some of these things are good things but they take us aware from our most important tasks. Last night I thought I was wasting time. I could have been updating the cheque book or working through the budget so we can determine how to pay for the installation of our new wood floor. I could have been cleaning or making lists for our trip to Canada next week. I could even have been researching appliances for the new kitchen.

Instead I was sitting on the couch with my husband and my dog watching TV. I can't remember what we watched. I do remember the discussions my husband and I had. They were discussions we should have had a while ago and didn't for whatever reason. So, while I could have been doing all these other productive and necessary things, they would have been time wasters. Why? Because I would have been doing instead of being with my husband and sometimes being is more important than doing.

• Where are you wasting time?
• What's the most important thing to be working on? 
• Are you putting doing ahead of being? 

Provocative Thought Wednesday - Necessarily Simple

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”   ~Hans Hoffmann, artist

I’ve been thinking a lot about simplicity this week. I think a lot of us tend to make things more complex then they need to be. Or we focus our attention on the things that aren’t necessary. Did I really need to spend 2 hours last night making my home budget spreadsheet “pretty” or would my time have been better spent  something  that has a more immediate deadline, like researching wood flooring options since we’re planning to have the floor installed next month?

We all have choices in our day between what is necessary and what is unnecessary. There are two questions I ask myself to help keep me on track. I hope they work for you. Your answers may be surprising. 

• What can you stop doing right now?
• What’s non-negotiable? 

Provocative Thought Wednesday - That's Funny

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" ( I have found it), but "That's funny...         ~Isaac Asimov 

I spend a lot of time trying to find the best way to do something - the best way to develop or improve a process at work. The best way to communicate something. The best way to write that scene. The best way to organize my books. The best way to spend time bonding with my husband.

Sometimes the best way crashes down on my like the roar of a symphony. Here I am, it says to me in flashing lights and neon arrows. Most of the time it's while I'm fumbling around with an idea or when I'm doing something mundane like the dishes that an idea strikes me like the quiet autumn breeze - a subtle barely there tickle of a whisper. It's something different. Odd. Funny. And focusing on that little tickle moves to a much better direction.

What feels a little odd to you?
What does that tell you?

Provacative Thought Wednesday - Why Worry?

I have a friend who is struggling with a few things right now - things within and things outside her locus of control.  I love my friend and I want to jump in and help her manage those things she can. I want to wrap my arms around her and help her to move through the things she can't. Since I am her friend, what I want to do is irrelevant. It's about her.

I remember a quotation I read in my Get Unstuck book about worry and I emailed it to my friend.

I'm not going to worry about the things I can't control, because if I can't control them there's no point in worrying about them; and I'm not going to worry about the things I can control, because if I can control them there's no point in worrying about them.   ~Mickey Rivers

Think about a situation in your life that challenges you and ask yourself the following questions:

1. What can you control about the situation? 
2. What can't you control about it? 
3. How do you think you will move forward? 

Provocative Thought Wednesday

Simplify!     ~ Henry David Thoreau, philosopher

1. What can you stop doing right now? 
2. What can you get rid of right now? 

Simplification should be, well, simple. And yet we make the process complicated. Take my Office Downsize Project for example. Before I asked my friend to lend me her objectivity and support, I created a complex plan to simplify and declutter. A plan I had a hard time executing because it was so complicated. 

If I instead had asked myself the above questions I may have had a cleaner, more organized office a whole lot sooner. 

So, what about you?