Chasing Inspiration

Friday, June 15, 2007

What Is Romance To You?

This question was asked on a bulletin board I visit from time to time for author Susan Wiggs. It was an insightful, and brave, gentleman who asked the question. It generated some interesting responses. And since I write romance in some shape or form, I thought I would ask the same question here.

What is romance?

Since I'm asking the question, I'll share my answer.

For me romance isn't something you have to plan. And it's definately not something you do. Romance are those perfect moments where souls connect and the world somehow stands still for a little while. It's not connected to a place or a time or an object. Romance is about a state of being.

Acting romantic is about doing. It's the planning a "romantic" dinner or date and then executing on it. It's the grand gesture of a diamond ring, a trip, a pledge. Being romantic is tied to a place or an event or an object. It is not necessarily tied to a state of being. Is the romantic dinner/date full of romance? For me, it is only if it includes one of those unplanned moments.

I married a man who doesn't act romantic. He doesn't buy flowers or chocolate or whisk me away at a moment's notice. He doesn't find sunsets romantic, though he does find them wonderful things to look at. He's just not romantic. I used to mind this because I had built up this expectation that these acts are romance and without them we couldn't be romantic with each other.

It took me a little while, but I finally realized that my husband embraces romance. When we have those moments where our souls touch and the world receeds and it's just us in that moment completely loving and understanding each other, he does and says the things that my heart and mind need. And I fall a little bit more in love with him. There aren't flowers, chocolates, candles, sunsets, etc during those moments. In fact, recently there's usually sheetrock dust and construction debris and a whiney dog surrounding our moments. But because the moment is about our souls, the surroundings and trappings don't seem to matter.

That's romance. At least to me. Sure, I like the romantic guestures and trappings, but they are fleeting. The romance my husband and I share, it lasts. And that's more meaningful to me.

Now it's your turn...

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