Getting To Know Your Characters

One of my side jobs is relationship coaching. It's a passion of mine and one of the reasons I earned a master's degree in counseling psychology. I love working with people who are in relationships to help them deepen and grow those relationships. Small wonder I love to read and write romantic fiction, huh?

I was writing up my notes from one of my sessions and I had one of those Duh! moments. I coach my clients through blocks to their relationships. We work out scenarios and discuss options and causes and triggers. And on a subconscious level I do that with my characters.

If I told you I sat down and coached my characters, you would think I was taking my work a bit too far, wouldn't you? Since my characters aren't living and breathing entities and exist only in my head and on paper, I don't actually sit down with them, but I do interview them. I ask them what they do in certain situations, how they react to certain things. I ask the hard questions - what do they fear, what do they love, how far would they go to protect the things/people most precious to them. And while I ask these questions I get insight into their character, into what makes them tick.

For me this is better than creating character worksheets, at least in the initial stages of writing. Character worksheets are important to get the details down about the character, but by questioning their values, motivation and behavior, I see deeper into the character and the character starts to become real to me and writing that character becomes easier. I won't say effortless because writing is seldom that. At least it isn't effortless to me. It's hard work and some days I feel like pulling my hair out and being done with the whole thing. But at least I have an understanding about the core of the character and it becomes easier to stay true to the character's faults, strengths and foibles. And I hope, it makes the character more believable.

If you write, try this sometime. Sit down with a comforting beverage, a notebook and imagine you are conversing with your characters. Ask them the hard questions that probe deep into their psyches and ask them how they would react to certain situations. Ask then what brings them joy and what makes them cry. Ask them what is the most precious thing in the world to them. I guarantee the information you glean from these conversations will make finding their Goal, Motivation and Conflict so much easier and it will allow you to stay true to the heart of the people you are writing about.

Soundtrack Friday

I don't know about you, but sometimes my life has a sound track. I think it comes from the fact that music - the rhythm and beats and melody and points and counter points - stirs something in my soul. Sometimes the lyrics stir right along with it and sometimes the music moves despite the lyrics.

Anyway, I thought in an effort to be authentic and real, and to show you a little bit of what keeps the writing moving forward and what keeps me moving forward, every Friday I'll share with you something from my personal or writing soundtrack. God, this makes me feel naked. *grin*

So, for today, I'm going to start with this song that haunts me. The music more than the lyrics makes me feel both heavy and hopeful. There is something about that underscoring driving beat that says to me - walk forward and walk steady. This week I've had to be reminded to walk forward and walk steady despite the potholes and cracks that keep wanting to trip me up. I listen to this and I don't feel sad, but hopeful. Thoughtful. And like I can move forward.

As for the writing, the lyrics grabbed me and Mallory, the character I'm currently working with. Mallory turned to me while I was typing a scene and laid her hands on my fingers and told me to listen. Just listen. "This is me," she said, with that hopeful sadness in her eyes. So I've been listening, trying to figure out what in the song was her, but I think it has to do with the chorus. In any case, I'll keep listening and unraveling Mallory's secrets until I can put them on the page. And while I'm doing that, please enjoy this week's soundtrack - Second Chance by Shinedown.

Shinedown - New Music - More Music Videos

A Crisis of Identity

I realized something yesterday after I had written my blog post. Losing my job has created the perfect storm of conditions that have led me to a crisis of identity. I think this is fairly common in Western culture where we are judge not by who we are but by what we do. From the time we start school we are asked about what we do, what our parents do, what we plan to do. We are asked about careers and jobs and activities. We are not asked about who we are.

I think about this as I learn of more and more people who are finding themselves where I am - laid off and cut off from the life that defined them for potentially many years. I worked at my last company for over 6 years. It wasn't always good, but it was comfortable and known. I built many friendships there and I hoped to carry many of them with me when I left. I learned anew what I knew to be true - out of sight often does mean out of mind. But that's a different blog post.

When I left my job I no longer had words for what I did. And I let that become a lack of words for who I was. There's almost a shame that goes along with this lack of language. I didn't realize it until after interviewing for a position I was hopeful to obtain that I was undergoing a crisis. I no longer know who I am without a job to define me.

Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement for me. I do know who I am. I may not always remember it and the shock of not moving forward in interviews rattled me some. But there are those who truly no longer know who they are when they don't have a job to define them. They are forced into a crisis of identity. And part of me wishes the nation would be thrust into this existential tug-of-war because the crisis is the crucible that allows us to really explore who we are in essence and in truth. It can spur us toward authenticity.

Why is this crisis a good thing? Because we are not what we do! I firmly believe that to be true. What we do for a career is based on so many factors, who we are and our skills (or lack thereof), being a part of that whole. But what we do does not make us who we are.

So, who are we? That's not an easy answer, nor should it be. Depending on your belief system, who you are is based on a Creator and who that Creator made you. Who you are also consists of your beliefs, your values, your DNA, your experiences, your personality. Who you are is, I believe, growing and evolving every day. And it can take a life time to get to know yourself.

I challenge you to stop thinking about yourself based on what you do. Join me in this crisis of identity and tear back the layers so you can get to know yourself on a deeper, more authentic level. It won't always be easy, but I firmly believe it will be worth it in the end.

The Long Road

I try to not use this blog to talk about the frustration and pain of the job search. I was laid off in November. This is true. And I did apply for a position that I felt was a perfect fit for me, but something told the hiring manager I wasn't a good fit for them. It's frustrating. Especially when you don't know what it was that caused you from moving forward.

Anyway, I'm trying to dust off and move forward. I had no idea how excited I was about this potential job until I interviewed and then I waited...and waited...and waited. There is this part of me that wants to be depressed, to go to the manager and beg for a second chance. There there is the more dignified part of me that wants to ask for feedback, thank him for his time and move forward.

I think the problem is I know what I want to be when I grow up but I struggle with that and the fact that I also like regular pay checks. I think I'm being told to step away from the safety net. And I'm not comfortable jumping without a net. So what is a girl to do?

When the road is long, a girl gathers her friends around her and she finds her strength again while she gives her bruised soul some time to heal. A girl sits down and prays for direction and is thankful that if this wasn't the right fit, for whatever reason, that the position is no longer an option. The girl finds something positive to focus on because in the end, it's being positive that is going to get her through.

How do you handle fear and disappointment? I'm curious. I have no brave words for how I handle it. Yesterday I cried and ate ice cream. Today I'm still sad but I can't sit at home in my bathrobe and do nothing. I have to push forward. I'm just thankful I have a great support system around me. I think, in the end, that makes all the difference.

Books Read in January

When Gods Die by C. S. Harris -- The second installment of the Sebastian St. Cyr series. I loved the incorporation of the Prince Regent in the storytelling.

Why Mermaids Sing by C. S. Harris -- Book Three in the Sebastian St. Cyr series and the series gets better and better.

Fish Out Of Water by MaryJanice Davidson -- The last Fred the Mermaid book and a lot of fun.

Bound by Flame and Bound By Light by Anna Windsor -- Books 2 & 3 of the Sybil series. Good stories and an interesting addition to the paranormal romance genre.

Affair by Amanda Quick -- A fun historical read that made me remember why I used to read Amanda Quick.

Eye of Heaven by Marjorie M. Liu -- Part of the Dirk & Steele paranormal romance series, this book falls in the middle of the series. Now I want to reread the entire series, not just this book.

What I Did For Love by Susan Elizabeth Phillips -- SEP's newest book. Almost vintage SEP and worth the wait!

Glitter Baby by Susan Elizabeth Phillips -- An author's edition of SEP's 1980's era novel. Very epic and well done, but I like the original better. :)

Making Time

One of the things I realized over the last week is the difference between finding time and making time. Finding time is more serendipitous and out of our control, whereas making time tells me I'm calling the shots.

Let's take writing, for example. In my Dream part of Dream, Plan, Act, I am dreaming of the things I want to do this year. I want to finish two of the manuscripts I'm writing. In order to do that, I need to write. In the past, I have fallen into my writing time. In other words, I went with the "find time" approach. This time, I'm going to make the time. I'm going to make choices and agreements with myself to write a certain number of pages every day. To keep that agreement, I'm going to look for the discretionary time I have in my calendar and instead of making choices to surf the net, instant message, read a book, watch TV, etc, I'm going to choose to write.

There are three big things that keep us from doing what we say we intend to do. I believe. Fear, time and knowledge. Let's continue with writing. We can increase our craft skills through study and practice. We can address the fear through confrontation, truth telling and prayer. We can address the time issue by looking at where we spend our time, making decisions about priorities and then building habits that align with our priorities.

I've been using this for myself to get me in the chair every day. And to get me to do something toward a job search every day. I believe this can work for you, as well. I think I'm going to develop a seminar on this topic. More information to come.

In the mean time, look at the choices you're making and what you're telling yourself about your situation. And experiment. What if you wrote for an hour instead of watching TV? What if you taped your show to watch after that hour of writing? What if you reclaimed your lunch hour at work and wrote then?

There's more behind the obstacles and conditions we put on our time. But it starts with being honest and being open to change.

Dreams to Intentions

I start off 2009 full of dreams and fears and hopes and desires. As I sit at my computer, I realize that I start off every year this way - full of the dreams or the fears but no plan. I have no intentions, just ambiguous lists of some-day-maybes.

I sat down yesterday, after a long 20 hour consulting job developing a first run at a project plan for an IT implementation, and thought about what makes good projects work. They are full of goals, deadlines, check points and dependencies (interconnections). Activities are assigned to specific people who are then accountable for the results of the work. But the plan is not enough. The plan is only a piece of paper. What makes it work are the intentions behind it. Those commitments and agreements to move the plan forward until it is completed.

I used to make plans like this for the projects I worked on at my former place of employment. They were simple plans. But they were like a compass. They kept me on course. And when in doubt, they helped me tease out what my next step should be. They also helped me to determine when I was being successful.

I'm not a huge fan of MS Project and huge project plans. But I was a fan of having a map of sorts. So this year, instead of dreaming and wishing and hoping, I am going to take my dreams, pick the few most important, and create some intentions around them. Dream. Plan. Act.

The first step is to dream. I'm going to take this week to dream about what I want to do. What I really want to do, not about what others what me to do or what I think I should do. And because intentions are more powerful if they are publicly declared, I am going to share those dreams, plans and actions with you.

Join me on this journey! And maybe start a little journey of your own.