Flowers are a Girl's Best Friend

 Gratitudes:

1. My husband because he shovels the driveway and never asks me to help.
2. Chocolate mint rooibos tea. 
3. Tulips in February.

It was difficult for Hubs to shop for me for Christmas this past year. I didn't want much, and what I wanted was out of our budget. He would have spent the money, but I would have felt bad every time I looked at or used said gift. 

So instead of asking for anything off my someday/maybe list, I asked for a bouquet of flowers once a month for the next twelve months. This month, I got tulips. Beautiful purple tulips. 

February's Christmas flowers

They have lasted about a week, though they haven't opened up completely. I blame this on user error. As in my user error. Perhaps the vase wasn't clean enough. Or perhaps I didn't cut the stems in water to ensure air didn't make it's way up the stems, thus blocking water. Either way, the leaves that weren't in the water yellowed and died and the flowers haven't opened. they are still very pretty and I'm thankful for my man every time I look at them. 

Into Every Winter, A Little Snow Must Fall

 Gratitudes:

1. Aveda Hand Relief lotion, where have you been all my life? My hands have been in the best shape they have ever been during winter. 
2. Friends.  Especially the friends who pick up where we left off after I've been in my hole of non-communication.
3. Velcro Dog's continued insistence that I walk him every day or else he may do more than threaten to eat the furniture. 

It snowed yesterday. Over a foot of light, fluffy snow fell yesterday afternoon through the evening and caused havoc for drivers everywhere. For a few hours, anyway. The roads were all cleared overnight and it was a winter wonderland while I drove Hubs to work and then the dog to the park this morning. We've had so little snow this winter that I was beginning to think we wouldn't see any accumulation at all. 

I didn't take any photos of the snow last night as it was falling, but this is the yard today. The snow is almost pristine and when the moonlight hits it, it's magical. Sorry the picture isn't of the snow at night. My flash washes out the magic. 

Velcro Dog enjoying the snow

Velcro Dog couldn't wait to get out and play in it. I was far less sanguine.  Mostly because snow = cold and I'm not a fan of cold. Or hot. I like it nice and temperate. I continue to think moving to Hawaii may just be the best move for me. 

Of Winter and Books

 Gratitudes:

1. Dunn Bros coffee. 
2. Kindles & Wine book blog - if I have no idea what to read next, I check out this amazing blog! I feel like I'm sitting around a table at a coffee shop chatting books with my besties. 
3. Brené Brown because her books on shame, courage, and resiliency are full of awesome. 

I've been rather quiet here and on social media because this winter hasn't been good to me so far. Hubs wants to move to somewhere with less extreme weather, believing this will help my fibro. Honestly, from what I experience, read, and research, if there are barometric shifts in weather, there can be flares. If there is stress, there can be flares. If you move and eat and breathe, there can be flares. Sure, moving somewhere else might help. But it might not. I know what I'm in for here. I have a good support team here. My doctors are here.

In other words, I'm not ready to move and the simple (or complex) act of moving may cause enough stress that I will flare and be in an entrenched state for some time. Life holds no guarantees. I'll stick with where I am for now. Unless I win the lottery. Then I'll move somewhere and bring my people with me. :) 

An upside to not doing so well is that I have a lot of time to read. I think I've read twenty books in January alone. Some of that was rereading. And not all of it was fiction. Sadly, I didn't keep a good list so I have to go back through my notes and update my lists. A problem I have is that I have paper books and e-books. My paperbacks I can scan the barcode and upload to my tracking sheet. The ebooks, not so much. Especially when some of them are library books and some are from Amazon, others from Smashwords, and yet others from Barnes and Noble. I've been thinking about a system that will easily allow me to track all these books and honestly, I'm back to a spreadsheet. It's a bit tedious but it works. I can upload the spreadsheet to my iPad or my phone when I'm shopping and quickly see which books I've already read. I can add books I want to buy or read and sort it by that. I can even add the books I'm waiting to be released. If I adopt the GoodReads spreadsheet upload procall I can even use the spreadsheet to update that internet based database. 

Now I just need to remember to update the darn spreadsheet when I read a book. 

A few notable books I've read this month are:

• I Thought it Was Just Me by Brené Brown
• The Spiritglass Charade by Colleen Gleason
• Sunshine by Robin McKinley
• Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake by Sarah MacLean
• The Survivor by Vince Flynn and Kyle Mills (Vince started this book before his death in 2014. He left us too soon, but the series is in the capable hands of Kyle Mills so Mitch Rapp will live on)
• The Bourbon Kings by J. R. Ward
• My Kind of Wonderful by Jill Shalvis
• Face of Danger by Roxanne St. Claire
• The New Testament: Methods and Meanings by Carter Warren and Amy-Jill Levine

I found the two nonfiction books I read fascinating and thought provoking. I will need to read them both again as they are packed full of great information and one can only absorb so much on a first pass through. I was reminded how much I loved reading research articles and books for papers in college, even if I didn't love writing the papers that often went with the reading. It almost, but not quite, made me want to sign up for classes somewhere. 

Hopefully the winter will decide whether it wants to be cold or mild and I can get back to cleaning and organizing the house. And walking the dog with regularity. Velcro Dog says hi, but the way. 

In Which There Are Donuts

 Gratitudes:

1. Cold water brewed iced tea. Yum!
2. Reconnecting with old friends and celebrating the joy of having them be a part of my life.
3. Gluten free donuts. 

I've been eating a gluten free (GF) diet for almost three years. The first year I would cheat and eat wheat/gluten filled food. Mostly because I was craving baked goods and didn't like the GF options available. Initially I didn't notice a difference in how I felt, but the longer I would go without gluten, the more I would notice increased pain and tummy troubles when I would eat food those really tasty treats. 

GF foods have come a long way, though they tend to be on the pricey side. Baking mixes are a godsend and more and more stores carry GF options for things like breaded fish and chicken strips. Yay! I have found pasta alternatives that I enjoy. And Hubs is getting used to gluten free dinners. Which we were mostly doing anyway, unless the meal included pasta. 

The problem occurs when dining out. So few restaurants have menus that point out items that contain wheat. There are many times I need to quiz the server on ingredients in sauces, dressings, breadings. I ask about GF substitutions. Usually I get a blank look. A few times open hostility. I totally understand why some people with severe food allergies don't eat out. We are viewed as a pain in the ass and entitled. When in truth we just want to enjoy the same thing everyone else does: a meal out of the house that we can savor within the company of our dining companions. 

Imagine my extreme joy when I found out that a local coffee shop now serves GF donuts. I haven't had a fresh donut in three years. When I visit Canada, I can no longer find my bliss within a Canadian Maple or Sour Cream glazed donut dipped ever so delicately in my cup of hot chocolate. Let's have a moment of silence as I'm still grieving this loss. 

Mmm, donuts!
Photo courtesy of devildolmail via Flickr (CC license)

While Timmy's may be out for me (until they get their act together and start making GF alternatives. Come on people! Think of the sales!), the GF donuts at my local café are amazing! Truly. I kid you not. They make my heart sing and my taste buds do a little happy dance. Finally, baked goods at a coffee shop that I can eat. My wallet and waistline may start to hate me, but my mouth will be so filled with joy it won't matter. 

Dear @StarBucks and @caribou_coffee, for the love of all that is holy, please start offering GF baked goods. And advertise this fact far and wide. Do you know how many people will flock to your locations for a coffee AND a GF baked good? In this day and age NOT having GF fair is a travesty. 

New Year, No Resolutions?

 Gratitudes:

1. Murchie's Balmoral Tea - I can't drink very much coffee but I still need a wake-up call in the mornings. This tea is amazing! I'm almost out so must budget hunt to order some more. I needs my Balmoral tea!
2. Sunshine - in the spring through early autumn months one can forget that winters in MN carry with them a dearth of sunshine, so when we have days like today when the sun is brilliant in the sky, we take advantage of them. Velcro Dog may just get two walks today.
3. My Noise Soundscape Generator - OMG! This is the best find on the internet I've made yet! All thanks to Kait Nolan reporting about it on her blog or twitter. Maybe it was FB. Doesn't matter where, she reported it, I started using it and now my days are filled with lovely soundscapes. I even turn on the water or nature sounds when playing classical music. There is something so wonderful about running water, yes? 

Image courtesy of Feliz Salida via Flickr CC

It's a new year. 2015 to be exact. In the past I have been tempted to make all sorts of resolutions or choose a major area in my life to overhaul. I think because of the fibro and the fact that I'm still not recovered enough to work (yes, it's taking a long time. Get over it), I haven't made any such declarations. And I'm glad. 

Starting a new year doesn't automatically mean we get to start over. Or that there is this reset that can magically occur in an area of our lives. Change is something that happens every day, whether we like it or not. Its all around us. The weather changes. People change. Our pets change. Our bodies change. Opinions change. Change is good. It keeps life from becoming stagnant and dull. When I quit my job I was looking forward to some slow and easy changes. I had been running for so long at a pace of change and stress that was not healthy for me that I needed slow and steady. 

I didn't realize that slow would be microscopic at times. But I also didn't take into account the fact that even teeny tiny changes over time eventually culminate in larger changes. When I looked back at the last six months I saw some internal changes that I didn't even realize were happening. Little shifts in perspective. Nothing that my husband noticed. Nothing that jumped out and said "Ta da!" Just these little changes that are slooooooowly changing the course and direction of my life. 

Healing can take time. It all depends on the depth of the wound or the breadth of the injury. I'm not making any huge proclamations this year. Instead, I'm leaning how to enjoy who I am and to see where life takes me. I'm learning to embrace the process. Which is funny because, hey, process engineering was a big part of my job for the last decade of my life. Okay, okay, some of us are a bit slower to come to the party. At least I finally got to the right party. 

Here's to 2015! May it be a year of enjoying who we are all becoming. 

Barren Lands

 Gratitudes:

1. Kait Nolan's newest novel - a treat and a half of paranormal romance goodness
2. The kindness of strangers - you know who you are and thank you
3. The thunderstorms that have been rolling over us for most of the evening. I do love a good thunderstorm.

The title of this blog is Chasing Inspiration. I started it eons ago as a place to talk about my writing process, to talk about creativity. Over the years the purpose has morphed and changed. I don't  really talk about writing here anymore. Why? A few years ago I found myself entering a barren desert land where the stories dried up and no matter how hard I tried, no matter what techniques I used, I couldn't get them back. 

They were just...gone. 

I did manage to finish a draft of a story I've had brewing for years and I struggled through a story that is close to my heart but I don't have the refined craft skills to tell to my satisfaction. Nothing new developed and nothing has been polished enough to submit. I started to doubt myself, my desires. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be a writer after all. 

Or maybe I'm in a period of filling the well. Maybe this time isn't a sign that I have no stories to tell but a time to recharge and to grow in ways that will take my writing, my creative process to places I couldn't go without letting it lie sleeping.

So, I've stopped worrying about this barren land and am learning instead to embrace the process. It will be very interesting to see what will be on the other side. 

Champagne and Pilates

 Gratitudes:

1. Husband is sick and I haven't caught his crud...yet. Fingers crossed that I remain healthy.
2. The hot, hot weather, aka Satan's armpit, appears to be over for the season. Here's to a gentle autumn, which is my favorite season. :) 
3. My Pilates instructor, Jenny.

I started to take Pilates when I was in college. It was all mat work, which is hard, people! But I gained a lot of lean muscle mass and had fun. About a year and half ago I found a Pilates studio near where I live and work and took about a year of private lessons. I started to move better, carry myself taller and feel an overall sense of well being I haven't felt in years. I haven't been a slug all that time, but due to increased pain due to fibromyalgia, I haven't been able to do the kinds of workouts I used to be able to do. And walking, while hugely beneficial to body, mind, and spirit wasn't helping with rebuilding lost lean muscle mass.

I now take a group class with private check in sessions about once every six to eight weeks. I don't ever want to quit! In fact, if we could afford it I would up my sessions so I was at the studio three times a week. It's been amazing for my health and well being and I don't see myself ever stopping.

One of the great Pilate elders passed away in August. Romana Kryzanowska was a protege of Joseph Pilates and taught the classical Pilates method for years after Joseph passed on. If Joseph is the father of Pilates, I think Romana was the earth mother. Almost every form of Pilates taught today has been influenced by Romana. One of the things that she is best known for, aside from Pilates,  was her zest for life. She is known for her Friday glass of champagne, not to settle into the weekend, but to celebrate the week well lived and the joy of friendship.

Jenny embodies this zest for life. She is joyful when she instructs and loves the whole person, not just the physical. For her, it is the whole person who comes to her studio and the whole person who she ministers to. Just this last week while I was with her for my private session, she told me about Romana and pulled out a bottle of champagne. We toasted life, Romana and a week well lived. And I left pondering this simple thought: what if instead of thanking God that it's Friday and the week is finally over, we thanked God that it was Friday because the week was lived?

Thank you, Romana, for being an inspiration to many. And thank you, Jenny for being an inspiration for me.