Chasing Inspiration

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Evolution of a Dream

When I was first married, I used to dream of being a housewife just like my mom. Those of you who know me might find that amusing, and improbable. But I did. I had a part-time job working evenings and spent all day doing wifely things like dishes, laundry, cleaning, managing the budget, shopping. I was organized and on top of the world. Sure, we didn't have much money, but life was good and I was having fun being the queen of my home.

Then I got a full time job so we could pay for my graduate school. I liked working full time and going to school. Because I was so busy, I got a lot done. I was still organized, but I was busy. And the job wasn't a super hard job so I didn't mind going in to work every day and socializing while getting my tasks done.

I've been working full time ever since, with the exception of a year where I worked 3/4 time and two years where I worked full time during the school year but had summers off. Up until the last two years, it was fun. There was travel associated with one job that made everything worth while. And I was able to coach and present and that was a lot of fun! But the last year was not fun and it was hard to remain engaged.

I think having this time off right now feels like therapy. I'm renewing and refocusing after the big layoff. I know I need a job soon to help with expenses but I'm starting to get my feet back under me and get myself organized at home. Things that have slid due to time pressures are finally getting done. And I'm enjoying being able to stay in the house during the icky cold of winter. I miss being around other people and there are days I don't feel productive at all. But over all, I'm enjoying being home with no deadlines and no boss.

You would think I would be writing more during this time, and I did at first. But January came and I had a bit of a freak out. Sort of like, once I was given the gift of time the pressure to perform became way too great. So I've backed off on my expectations and am doing things to make the writing fun again. And I'm trying to figure out what I want to do next, knowing full well that in this economy the job I take may not be what I want to do but may be that intermediate step toward getting back into the employment game.

But in the back of my head I'm wondering if it will be that bad if I don't work and stay home to take care of things. Perhaps I can start a business I can run from home or find a part time job that pays at least what I'm getting on UI but gives me the time to be home. What I'm learning is that at heart, if I'm not out traveling, I'm really a home body. And wouldn't it be nice to be that housewife I used to dream about being after all...


  1. This may not shock you, but I never wanted to be a housewife. I like home, but I can't stay home. I have a 2 week limit before I go insane. Plus, I do more when I'm under pressure. If I only have a little to do, I tend to procrastinate. I need to multi-task and be busy and buzzing. It's weird. I read the most when I'm totally busy yet when I have the time I do nothing but veg.

    Recharging is a great way of looking at things. In the long run, I think this will be a good change and you will come out with a fabulous job instead of staying at one that you don't love.

  2. That doesn't surprise me about you. And I know that I need the balance of work or something outside my home plus what I do at home. I also know that I'm a hermit. Thank God for the internet or I wouldn't talk to anyone on those days I don't leave the house. :)

  3. I don't know what if I want to be a housewife. I think I am forever trapped to be one of those "Grass is greener" people. I wonder if I would be any good at being a housewife,since I can barely manage to keep my room neat, lol. But the idea that dreams evolve and change really struck home for me.

  4. Hi Gabby! I don't know that I want to be a housewife per se. But I do know that I like not having to go in to an office to work. Now, that may change in a while after I go stir crazy and end up writing red rum all over the place. :D

    And dreams really do grow and evolve. The essence of the dream may remain the same, but how the dream becomes reality may look different.

  5. I think it's important to be true to yourself...even if it is unpopular, or seems against what you feel you stand for. (In saying this I get the idea that you are a strong, self-sufficient woman...and staying home would feel contrary to that for you!)
    I think saying it out loud, and marinating on it for a while is a good thing to do!
    I wish I had the options to do that. I hope things work out the way you would like!

  6. The only thing I ever for sure knew I wanted when I grew up was to be a stay-at-home mom. It's part of the reason I chose not to go to University. My dad had a conversation with me once about a cousin who had gone to University and then when she decided to stay home to raise her kids said it was such a waste. Except, once her kids were grown, she was able to use her university degree. Now I'm working because hubby can't, but I'd change places with him in a second. I loved being at home.